Pet Peeve of Mine….When People Don’t Write Thank You Cards

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With the recent rash of baby showers, wedding showers, 1st year old birthday parties and Weddings Mark and I have recently been to we got into a discussion the other day about thank you cards.  As far back as I can remember I wasn’t allow to play with one thing from my birthday party until I sat down and hand wrote out every thank you card.  My mother would proof read them and make sure I didn’t just write “Thanks for the pink caboodle bye!”  Mark doesn’t think it is a big deal (well initially but we will circle back to this).  His thoughts are well you end up throwing them away eventually anyways.  My thoughts are…listen I took the time out of my day to shop for that one year old gift, purchase it….wrap it in whatever Dora the Explorer theme party it was.  Buy a card and then take up half of my Saturday watching kids play in a bounce house.  The least one can do is take 5 seconds out of a day to write a thank you card.


His response to this “your handwriting is so terrible most people can’t even read what you wrote”.  This is true.  I do have awful medical professional handwriting.  I have been called by quite a few pharmacists about clarifications of my prescriptions….I need electronic charting that is for sure!  Case in point here is a picture of my blogging journal.  It’s so bad sometimes I can’t even read my own writing.


So to investigate this further I went to my source for all things etiquette the one and only Martha Stewart.  Here are Martha’s suggestions for Thank You Notes Etiquette.  Here are some takeaway or the cliff notes version for you.

“Only one person should do the actual writing, but as coauthors, each of you should sign in your own handwriting”.

“How long is too long to wait before writing a thank-you note? Two months after you’ve returned from the wedding trip should be plenty of time to get the job done; three months is the maximum”.

The right paper and pen — blue or black ink — will make your notes beautiful, but it’s what you write that will make them meaningful”.

Side note for anyone who is new around here and if you have some time you can read this.  I am the youngest of six and my mother is pretty much Martha Stewart’s doppelgänger.

She can whip up curtains from some leftover bedskirt material, while altering one of my dresses and getting red wine stain out of a shirt.  She literally has a solution for everything.  That gets me to thinking about a segment.  “Ask Sherill” y’all could write in your questions for her.  “Dear Sherill what is the difference between cephalon pans and stainless steel?”  (I was just educated about this the other day at Bed Bath & Beyond while registering). She has an answer for everything and usually is delivered in the most rose colored glasses way.

For example when I spilled an entire bottle glass of red wine down my white dress at a sorority date function back in the day… “Oh Amanda this is quite the accident did someone spill this on you??” (cough cough I think I was like 19)…..sure yes…..”On the dance floor you know how rowdy people can be”.  “Okay no worries I will mix two parts vinegar to three parts bleach….tumble wash it on the delicate cycle in my front loader washer and it will be better than new”.  I doubt that’s the right formula but it sounds like something she would say.

Phew sorry that was a tangent as always.  I love my mom I could literally go on for hours with her pearls of life wisdom.  I’m serious you have a random question send it my way we will ask the expert.

Getting back to the subject.  I love finding pretty thank you cards and taking the time to personally thank people for their thoughtfulness and generosity.

Here are my thoughts on the subject…..

#1  Make sure you proofread your notes.  
I usually have my phone or computer next to me.  I misspelled one thing and have never lived it down to this day.  Remember that SATC episode?

#2  Make sure your handwriting is legible.
I tend to not have the best handwriting (please see above) and that is due to rushing.  Taking the time to sit down with a good pen and writing surface usually helps the situation.

#3 Try to really acknowledge someone’s thoughtfulness.
If someone has travelled to see you, taken the time to come to your special day or has given you something thoughtful please take the time to let them know how much that means to you.

#4 Try to make it personal
Telling the person how you are planning to use their thoughtful gift or how wonderful it was how they found that perfect gift for you is always a great way to end a card.  Nothing is worse when you get a generic thank you and you don’t even feel like the person even wrote down what you gave them

#5 Just be you.
You don’t need to make a production out of this.  Just take the time to thank someone is all there really is to it!

I wrote one Mark’s friends on his softball team a thank you note for a really nice bottle of wine he dropped off for my birthday.  Mark said it made him super uncomfortable to give it to him because “guys don’t give guys thank you cards”.

(via tumblr)


What are your thoughts on thank you cards?  Am I being old fashioned about this topic?  Or do you think thank you cards are a nice gesture?  Let me know!  Don’t forget about the giveaway click here.  Feel free to follow me down below.  xoxoxoxoxo

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41 responses to “Pet Peeve of Mine….When People Don’t Write Thank You Cards”

  1. i’m with you on the thank yous but i tend to email a giant thank you note. think if it as “thank you card 2.0”?

    -kathy | Vodka and Soda

  2. I like doing thank you notes, and we did them for our wedding shower, wedding, and baby shower gifts/gifts when Molly was born. I intended to do them for her first and second birthday gifts, but it was utter chaos and I lost the list of who gave us what so that didn’t help. I intend to get better about this though – I really think it’s important! Even a personalized e-mail is better than no acknowledgement :)
    However…my husband would probably never give a guy a thank you card so I can see where Mark is coming from on that one hehe ;)

  3. i totally agree with you!!! i wrote thank you cards two days after our wedding and finished them before we left for our honeymoon. my best friend is SO good about writing thank you cards for her birthday (i need to be better about that!) xo jillian – cornflake dreams

  4. Ashley says:

    I couldn’t agree more! My friends and I were just talking about this the other day…. drives me nuts. Your handwriting reminds me of a doctor’s!

  5. Laura C says:

    Omg i think im the same way! I write thank you cards all the time. Its like common courtesy. I love designing them and putting in a personal note every time after my birthday celebrations.

  6. I love getting a thank you card and trust me I remember who did and didn’t send me one! I have horrible handwriting too but I try my best to make it legible and it’s the thought that counts anyways. I say yes to a Dear Sherill segment! Your mom sounds awesome!

  7. I love writing and getting thank you cards!! There are so many pretty paper options out there- also I definitely remember if people don’t send a thank you card…and NO a text or email is not OK!! Gary has pretty eligible hand writing so I wrote out every single one of our thank you cards…the faster you start the faster you’re done!! Your mom and Martha definitely have a lot in common!!

  8. Amanda says:

    I don’t think you’re being old fashioned at all! But I was raised the same way. I also write thank you notes for everything as well. Host me for the weekend? Thank you note. Gift? Thank you note. x

  9. Gina says:

    I agree, it is something we all should do, but I confess I may be one of the worst offenders. I did write them out after my wedding but usually I don’t:(
    XO, Gina

  10. JumpingJE says:

    LOVE Thank You Cards, LOVE snail mail…. HATE stamps. I need to get over this obviously because I have all the stationery and no stamps.

  11. Christina says:

    your mom and martha! hahaha!

  12. Honestly I hate writing thank you cards. But of course I do anyhow! They took me foreeever after our wedding.

  13. Oh my gosh I am SOOOO with you on this! I can’t STAND when people don’t send thank you notes and I can’t relax until I send them myself for things that I’ve received!!! It lets people know you appreciate what they did! Everyone wants to be appreciated!!!! :D I’m a freak when it comes to Pete sending thank yous to his grandparents, etc. I’ll give him the card and an envelope that’s already stamped and addressed just to make sure it goes out because you know how MEN are!

  14. You got me thinking what I want to do for thank you notes for the wedding! My to-do list seems to be growing.

  15. Erin says:

    Yes!! I always feel a little put off if I don’t get a thank you note for a gift! Also, cards in general! My husband’s family don’t even do birthday cards. Just gifts. One year, he got a card and it hadn’t even been signed. Just stuck in the envelope! Anyway….all of this to say, I agree!! 100%. And I think I already love your mom. :)

  16. I agree with you depending on what it was for. I wouldn’t give a thank you card to anyone for dropping off a bottle wine (I would be sure to text them later though to say thank you. Again) but I would give a thank you card for a gift given at an event (like a wedding, obviously. Or engagement party, etc). I personally don’t know anyone who gives cards though, so maybe us Canadians just don’t. Probably because the price of our stamps is going up to $0.85. It gets pricey!

  17. Thank you cards are definitely not old fashioned. I am always a little late but i get them out most of the time. I was in a wedding where thank you cards weren’t sent until almost a year later, yikes!

  18. Stacy G says:

    Your mom sounds awesome! When I first moved into my house I constantly called my mom for recipes, etc. Now at (almost 28) I still probably call with more questions than the average daughter haha. Maybe I’ll just ask your mom now and then and give mine a break. haha

  19. I am a firm believer in thank you cards. In fact, I’m pretty put off by people who don’t send them. Rude.

  20. Ashley says:

    I so so so agree with this! I spent so much of my time carefully picking out your gift and the least you can do is so “hey, thanks!”

    I also love writing thank you cards!

  21. I hate when people don’t send thank you cards. I think it’s tactless and rude not to send them for large events like showers and weddings.

  22. Jordan says:

    I would definitely send thank yous in the future for wedding shenanigans and all that, but I think the last thing I sent thank you cards was for my high school graduation. And I don’t think I’ve ever been GIVEN a thank you card. Hmm. We do a lot of emails though! Haha.

  23. Oh, thank you cards. I have so many mixed feelings on them. For occasions like showers and weddings, I absolutely believe in them, as well as when they’re truly heartfelt. However, my aunt who is all about status and perception sends them for everything and it drives me nuts. They’re not even thoughtful. For my cousins’ birthday parties she buys fill-in-the-blank thank yous for them to sign. Dear _____, Thank you for the ______. Love, _____. End of story. I think that’s more tacky than not sending one at all.

  24. Stephanie says:

    Usually, thank you cards are a must. I don’t expect or usually give them for Christmas gifts but other than that, yes. I always send them and I expect to get them in return. I usually give a pass on birthdays, when I give my bestie a bottle of booze while we pre-game, I don’t expect a card. But not sending cards for anything wedding related or kid related is unacceptable.

  25. brooke lyn says:

    which reminds me i really need to write a thank you note!

  26. Handwritten thank you cards are EVERYTHING. I swear I remember who didn’t send us one if we give a gift for a wedding. I feel like if someone can’t take the time to write a note of sincere gratitude, they shouldn’t bother to create a list of wants ha.

  27. Joey says:

    I was so proud of myself when all of my wedding thank you notes went out the week we got back from our honeymoon. I’m a little worse about it when it comes to things like get well gifts and stuff like that. I went through some medical stuff this past year and I got a lot of little packages here and there–and when those would come I would make the point to CALL the people, have a genuine conversation (and catch up–usually a good hour long convo) and thank them over the phone. So then it begs the question–do I still write a thank you note even if I purposefully called to thank them and have a genuine conversation with them?! I will say–I gave a gift to one of my best friends for her engagement party–and I never got a verbal or written thank you (and neither did my parents or anyone else I knew who went o the party). I hesitated when it came time to buy a wedding gift.

  28. Char-lit says:

    SO glad you said it! Not getting a thank you note is a huge pet peeve of mine too. I went to TWO weddings last year–both of which I put a ton of effort into shopping for and creating a really fun and personal gift basket for the couple–and didn’t get a thank you for either! WTF! Part of me wants to just ask the bride, “So, umm, did you even GET my present?!” I would just be dying from guilt if it were me and I hadn’t written something. I mean, come on, not even a super quick TY text? Really? Nothing?! Sigh.

  29. I love thank you notes!! And I’m not going to lie… Part of me gets a little offended when people don’t send one!

  30. Thank you cards are a not optional for big things like weddings, showers, etc. I wouldn’t have sent one for a bottle of wine, but you’re nicer than me. I sent a thank you card to my college boyfriends mom after receiving a Christmas gift and she had the nerve to have him tell me that it wasn’t necessary since it was not out of the blue and Christmas is a holiday where gifts are typically given. Um… thanks for the etiquette lesson?? Rude! When in doubt, send one anyways. People love handwritten snail mail.

  31. This is a great post. It really irks me when people don’t take the time to say thank you, or even better write a thank you note. It seriously is not that hard, and is a kind, appreciative gesture. I always make it a point to write a thank you card, and you can bet I will be instilling that value in my future children one day as well!

  32. I’m totally with you on thank you notes. i think my hand went numb after writing them for the wedding, but you just gotta do it!!

  33. Courtney B says:

    You are so right!! This is a perfect reminder of how important it is to show gratitude! We can’t just assume people know we are thankful for the time they took out of their busy day to give a gift and come to a party! I really need to be better!!

  34. My mother always said, if you don’t want to write a thank-you note then you obviously don’t want to continue receiving gifts.

    Monogrammed stationary and a juicy black pen make it all the more enticing! Glad to have found your blog!

  35. I hate writing Thank You Cards but I agree there are necessary! I grew up with a mom who made me write them out as well. I love that you mention how much time someone spends picking out a gift because that is an excellent point. The time it takes you to write a thank you card is so much less than that so why not?

  36. Ugh yes thank you cards are definitely a necessity, especially at big events like baby showers and weddings! I literally just LOLed at your mom and Martha Stewart they are total twins! But your mom is way cuter! ;)

    <3 Shannon

  37. I definitely agree, thank you cards are a MUST!

  38. 100% yes thank you cards are super important and the sooner the better that you send them out!

  39. Admittedly, I am HORRIBLE at this! I am the type to say thank you in person and forget to follow-up with a handwritten card. What about a text? Can’t I just say thank you via text? (JOKE!)

  40. I write thank you notes all the time. It’s second nature.

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