Why We All Need To Stop Being So Hard On Ourselves
November 12, 2014It got me to thinking. Why are we so hard on ourselves for real? Do you ever hear men talking about their jean sizes or if they are having an ugly day. No because they don’t care. They are more concerned about what beer they are going to get to bring to softball instead of worrying about if they have dark circles under their eyes.
We all do so much! Successful careers, great providers, mothers, scholars, the list goes on. We take care of ourselves and everyone around us. Always trying the best DIY, trying to save money, cook dinner, get in one more workout and at the end of the day it never seems enough for us. I am speaking from experience because I am the hardest on myself. So today I encourage everyone to do 4 things.
1. Tell me something that you love about yourself
2. Tell me what you want to work on
3. Give someone a compliment and mean it
4. Tell me something that you are proud of, succeeded in or are just generally pumped about.
To answer my own questions
1. I love my hair. I love how long and strong it is. It is so fun to put into waves, braids or whatever my little heart desires.
I cut it once in college and I’m still traumatized.
I also once dyed it brown because my mother always guilts me into going darker. It took me a year to get back to blonde and I cried in the beginning. It was just so weird seeing myself look completely different with the dark locks. We are finally in a happy compromise with this darker blonde. I do agree mom there were some very white/blonde years. Looking back we were both probably a little too blonde here….in my defense I think there was a flash involved!
I did get a brown wig for those moments when I ever feel like experimenting…..much cheaper way to go.
2. I have really been actively working on this one but I’m trying to be less absent minded. As y’all know I try to do 50 million things at once and sometimes I’m so preoccupied that in the end some things can fall through the cracks. I’m trying to pay more attention to when people are talking to me and take note of important dates. I’m writing things down and triple checking my planner. I’m also trying not to overextend myself. I use to always say yes to picking up an extra class or two, going to that drug rep dinner etc. All that did was run me ragged. Now I’m trying to buffer in some mental health time and it has really made a huge difference!
3. I love giving random strangers compliments and mean it. First because the look on their face when being recognized is seriously the best feeling and two just putting out good vibes. My compliment to the blogging world is to Ashley. I absolutely adore her style. She is one of my daily reads and she seriously has the most impeccable taste. You can tell she isn’t trying to hard, it just comes naturally to her. I always love seeing all her fashion and currently loving posts.
4. I am really proud about how good I have been with my finances. My goal was to not have any “debt” by the time Mark and I got married. I have officially paid off my Grad school loans to UPenn!!!! It took 7 years but I did it! My car is almost paid off, I’ve been paying almost double the payment for the last year. My interest rate is so low that it doesn’t make sense to pay the whole thing off but I’m so close! I’ve been toying around with a finance post but I don’t know if it will ever see the light of day. I feel like everyone has such different life situations that I can’t just say “pay off your credit card every single month” because that may not be the case for everyones life situation but I do have a lot of practical ideas if anyone is interested.
Let’s spread some positive energy out there instead of always being so quick to jump to those negative vibes! I am always constantly blown away and encouraged to strive for more whenever I read y’alls posts. Seriously us blogger gals are definitely a rare breed! I hope you have a fabulous day!!! xoxoxox
I love this post– you are seriously so awesome! :) YES to the finance post, please. And you’re right, us blogger babes ARE a rare breed!
Yahoo on paying off your debt! I was debt free before my wedding too… and then we had a wedding! Hah. Anyway, I just bought into this kickstarter for a really cool looking planner (not just for setting dates, but goals and journaling too!), maybe it’ll help you stay organized too! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/angeliatrinidad/passion-planner-the-one-place-for-all-your-thought
To answer question one, I love my stomach :-)I have put it through quite a lot but it manages to survive!Great post! We are the hardest on ourselves by far. I am So guilty of this. Loved your shower picture, so pretty! And the debt thing is HUGE and something to be so proud of, it’s an on going struggle for me.
Yes, love this! I love the positive body image that women here in Iceland give off to little girls that everyone is just beautiful as if. Such a refreshing things after growing up in the states with a thinner is better mindset.
I think your hair is super cute cut shorter! I do love long hair though! I think my best quality is the ability to see the positive and feel truly happy on most days(despite whatever is going on). I do have people comment on that trait of mine so I guess it shows? I could definitely work on my time management/ tendency to be a bit absent minded as well…I do have an awesome planner(the day designer) that I am counting on helping out in that area. I can’t use it until Jan though! I love complimenting other people when I am out! I do it all the time while at work. If I see a girl with awesome eye makeup or a dress etc I will always tell her. I think Ashley is absolutely gorgeous. You are right it does come off as effortless for her. She has some fab style as do you! I always swoon over all your fashion picks, esp the shoes! I am currently working on a etsy shop idea with a friend of mine, so I’m hoping to be proud of the results of that one day in the near future! We are pretty excited! xo
I love this post!!! I think you’re totally right we are our own worst critics!!! Congratulations on paying off your grad school loans – that is amazing and such a wonderful accomplishment!! I have been actively trying to work on not being negative towards myself…I don’t need to say nice things to myself in the mirror, but on the flip side I don’t look and judge anymore!! I personally love finance posts, so go for it!!
Oh so loving this. I don’t think we compliment ourselves enough, we fall easily in the trap of criticizing. Congratulations on paying off those loans, that’s a huge feat!
it’s so important to remember the good things about yourself. and you are beautiful inside and out!
Love this! It’s so true we’re all so hard on ourselves. Great questions to think about!
this post is so awesome!! we are way too hard on ourselves and it’s so important to remember all the good things about us and to stop looking around to compare ourselves to others.
1) it’s like you just knew that I (and I’m sure 90% of blogland) needed this post today. I think I spent most of last night bashing myself because…why not?! But no more! and 2) Yes, yes, triple yes to a finance post!
This is an amazing post. I’m sure a lot of us, myself included, needed to hear some of the things that you said. I’ve been really hard on myself lately – mostly physically – and I’m not really sure why. Thank you for reminding me that I’m a-okay the way that I am! To answer your questions …
1. My smile. Everybody says I have my dad’s smile, and that makes me smile even more! I’ve had a lot of work done to my teeth over the years – braces, headgear, extensive cosmetic work due to a softball accident, etc. – so damnit I’m going to love my smile!
2. I need to work on not comparing myself to others. As you know, it’s really easy to do that as a blogger. I’m constantly comparing my content, style photos, etc., to other bloggers and not thinking that I’m up to par. But, my blog reflects me and my personality – nobody else! So, I need to just go with it.
3. I’ll be sure to give someone a compliment when I’m out today. My blogger compliment goes to YOU for your motivational posts.
4. I’m currently super excited to move into our first/new home and get to renovations and decorating, especially for the holidays. How fun will it be to spend Christmas in our new home? I can’t wait. :)
Talk about making a girl blush this morning! You are the absolute sweetest Amanda! This post was such a great reminder to not over analyze yourself… I think it’s even harder with an upcoming wedding. You want to look and feel your best and sometimes are just too hard. A genuine compliment is so fun to give to strangers… you never know when they might need it the most!
aw i love this post amanda! it’s so good to remember to talk positively about yourself and others! i really want to work on NOT saying bad things about ppl on tv… they are ppl too! and i think it’ll be a good example for my daughter in the future. xo jillian
Amanda, such a beautiful post.
1. I love my eyes.
2. I need stop saying “that’s not fair.” I catch myself saying it all the time. I get frustrated when people are just handed things, without any sort of work or effort towards it. But hey, that’s life right?
3. I love giving people compliments. People I know, strangers, you name it. I makes me feel so great inside seeing a smile on someone’s face.
4. I’m so proud of our success as parents. It comes so naturally and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
You know how I feel about this post!! Love it! And you with brown hair?!? Woah! I didn’t even recognize you! You look great with blonde or brunette hair though!
I absolutely love this post. I know I’m very hard on myself. In fact, people have told me that. It’s just a very bad habit I have. Honestly, it’s even hard to talk about it. Lately, I have been trying to be positive and it does make a difference. I do love giving compliments, I do it all the time. It’s usually that I love someone’s makeup or purse! Oh and you fantastic as a brunette as you do a blond!!
This is such an amazing post!!! You look great with long, short, blonde or brown hair! I love the whole idea behind this! We really should be looking at our strengths instead of weaknesses and paying it forward to others, too. Such a fabulous post girl!
You are such a bright and positive person, must be why I enjoy your blog so much ;)! That and you are a fashion genius!
1] I love my positivity and upbeat attitude.
2] I need to work on being less judgmental.
3] Gave a lady a compliment this morning on her skirt, before I read this post. Do I get double points ;)!
4] I am proud of my ability to make people smile, even when they are extremely down.
Great post! You are so right, we do criticize ourselves and others so much. I especially see women criticizing each other rather than empowering each other and that really has to change!
Great post, Amanda! I’ve been so hard on myself lately about my weight that I forget all the amazing things my body can do! Thank you for the attitude adjustment! ;) Now I just need to get my buns in the gym to fully appreciate this amazing body of mine! Haha! Oh, and ps you look super cute brunette! But I totally understand the blonde thing! My mom is constantly telling me I need to go darker! But it’s just not me!
Great post lady! Everyone needs to realize how special they are and how much they have to offer. Oh and more people need to stop caring about what others think. I definitely don’t care haha. Stay blonde too. We’ve all done the “too blonde thing too..” I did in college and my hair was like yellow.
OK, here are my 4 things:
1. My hair. I love being blonde. I feel like it allows me to wear a lot of different colors, and lipsticks. :-)
2. Sometimes I take things personally that I should not take personally. Sometimes situations and people are not always what I think that they are.
3. When I’m working with someone at work, or when I greet someone who comes into the store, I give them one. You just don’t know what kind of day someone is having.
4. I’m proud that I can finally cook, that I have had success in my job, and I’m pumped about spending Christmas with my twin sister in Singapore! :-)
Preach!!! Love this post :) And I agree with complementing strangers and like when they complement me too- like it almost means more when it comes from somebody completely random! Hope you have a great day :)
I’m big on knowing my strengths and weaknesses and not getting too caught up in the weaknesses.
Call me crazy, but I actually like your hair short!! BUT that being said, I also have long hair and feel like it might be super traumatic to cut it!
I love the idea behind this post.
This is something that I struggle with and I’ll have to spend some time thinking about your 4 questions. I don’t have quick answers.
love this post girly. it’s hard being a woman in this society. i honestly don’t think i could answer your questions – well, i could answer 2 (because i can always improve) and 3 (because i love to give compliments) but talking good about myself? yeah not so good with that. meanwhile i agree, your hair is fabulous and i love it – the short was cute but the long is so you!
love this post!! I have been struggling with this lately. I need to love myself more and stop looking in the mirror so much! thanks for the reminder!
Such a great post girl! And I think you look awesome with short hair, too! :) We can be sooo hard on ourselves that we totally overlook or don’t appreciate the good stuff we have. I’ve always loved my eyes/lashes, would love to work on being more positive in general/less complaining, and I’m really proud of my finances, too – something that has always been really important to me! We’ve been able to pay off loans this year, buy a house and still take vacations and that’s all due to my serious budgeting :) Now off to give someone a compliment!
This is excellent! We women constantly put ourselves down and focus on our faults instead of our strengths! I love that you included complimenting someone else, I think focusing on loving and reaching out to others helps so much in feeling confident and better about yourself!
Girl, I love this! I am such a fan of spreading positive and when you think something positive about someone, SAY IT. Something so small could mean the world to them. CONGRATS on paying your debt down too, we did this after going through Dave Ramsey and it’s just the best feeling! Now I’m going to answer your questions :) 1- Something I love about myself, I look just like my mama and I LOVE that. I also love my positive attitude! 2- I need to work on compassion, real true compassion. 3- My compliment is for YOU. You are beautiful, inside and out and I totally admire your passion for life. Your career, blog, teaching classes and your fiance. It all shows and I love it. 4- I’m also proud of our finances. I got in credit card debt trouble in my late teens and was able to flip it all around. Since then, my husband and I have worked hard to pay off any and all debt and create a good life for ourselves! Have a good day friend!
It’s so hard to think of something good about myself… & that’s such a sad confession.
We are our own worst critics.
I love to compliment others though – mainly because I know how much it means to me when I receive one.
YES!!! Love this post! Congrats on paying down your debt, I would love a post of tips and ideas…I think everyone can use some refreshers on that topic! Why is it so hard to compliment ourselves?
1. my eyes
2. I have been actively working towards getting in shape and living a healthy lifestyle for the last year and a half. Some days are a real struggle, especially with the eating.
3. I compliment strangers all the time when out and about. I like your shoes, where did you get that purse, your outfit is so cute, your child is so behaved….anything I can find to lift someone up.
4. Recently Chris and I, along with a friend, started a local blogging community and I am proud of all the work we put in to it and how successful we have been thus far. We all work together, and have gotten some great feedback!
And I was signed in to the wrong account….again! DUH!
thank you for this post! i needed it to today :)
We are so critical of ourselves, such a good reminder to give ourselves a break. Congrats on paying off your debt. This is a huge accomplishment.
Yay for positivity! Ashley is the sweetest in person, too. Come play and have wine with us!
Love this! I think you look great with all shades and lengths of hair, btw! ;)
This post is AMAZING. I love you spreading the love and the positivity! I think it is EPIC. So, I’m game – I’ll join in.
1) I love my eyes. They aren’t brown and not quite hazel – they are expressive and large – And I really think that I could be an eyeshadow model – but, that’s a lot of vanity. hahahaha!
2) I want to work on being more approachable. I have the resting bitch face that won’t quit. It’s a defense mechanism, for being the freak/loner in HS – But, it really does limit people getting to know me and me surrounding myself with great people. I use my blog, and commenting on others posts, to open me up. It helps me to be more social in real life.
3) I compliment complete strangers – almost regularly. I think making someone smile, is an amazing Pay It Forward type of event. In my head – they say something nice to another person and so on and so forth.
4) When I was a kid (through teen) i did a lot of Tae Kwon Do – and then because of life – I stopped. My son takes TKD now, and finally I started training again. My discipline, and my muscle memory has me testing 4 belts above a white. The owner of the school says that he sees my training coming back and rapid speed – and I am far more accomplished than only testing for 1 belt. It made me excited… I am super pumped to test on the 9th and 11th (one for TKD and the other for Hapkido – which I’ll only be testing for yellow – but, I’ve never done that before – but I am still excited about that too).
Good for you for paying off that school loan! That’s a super achievement, and one you will feel good about for a long time. I love paying stuff off… and then strutting around like a boss. HEHEHEHE just kidding – but doesn’t it feel that way sometimes?
2)
So so many things I LOVE about this post. Women are ridiculously hard on themselves. PS: You went to PENN?!?! I had no idea. That’s my undergrad alma mater. Go Quakers!! You are even more awesome in my books now. :)
aw i love this! i’m going to totally channel you and do one of my own posts :) heart your positivity girl!
cheshirekatblog.com
I love this post, thanks so much for sharing! Way to be positive :)
Love this post so much :) And I actually kind of needed it today :) nothing major but just one of those stressful days where about a dozen issues arise and I get grumpy/unhappy…. love getting reminders to think positively and focus on the good things, and what I’m proud of. You look super cute with shorter hair btw!! XO
i really needed this today. thank you.
I love this! I’m going to try to do it tomorrow. Maybe Friday. I will credit you!
Just when I think you can’t get anymore amazing… you do! I love this idea!!!!
I love this post with all of my heart! I did a post a few months ago about “Embracing Your Strengths” and it goes right along with this. Can you imagine how much happier we’d all be if we complimented ourselves and others instead of criticizing?
~Elise @ highheelsglitteringeyes.blogspot.com
I love this, chickie!!!!
I love this post! We are incredibly hard on ourselves and I think that comes with a society that is constantly critiquing the way a woman looks, and a society that is all work and no play. What a great way to change the dialogue though!
xoxo,
Meghan
This is a great post Amanda! I couldn’t agree more! Us women criticize ourselves the most/worst. I feel like I have been especially hard on myself since I’ve become pregnant. My husband yells at me weekly for it. Especially when he takes my weekly bump picture and I say bad things about myself. I wish I could be like a man that only cared about what beer he was going to buy! haha :) One thing I do love about myself is my eye lashes. :) I would LOVE to work on my finances better. I’m terrible about just going and buying what I want when I want it. I’ve improved 110% over the last 3 years and paid off all my credit cards until recently when I started buying clothes for my preggo belly and I wanted to buy things without Michael yelling at me! Oooops! Lastly, something I am proud of is that I handle a lot of things in our household. To be exact – 99.9% of things from cleaning, laundry, bills, vehicle maintenance, groceries, yard work, doggie duties, the list is never ending. Needless to say, my husband has it made. He’s not home enough to take care of pretty much anything and it’s my responsiblity to either do it, or send him constant reminders to do . It’s exhausting at times, but it makes me feel accomplished, appreciated, and needed. :)
I adore this post! I am so much harder on myself than I should be. It’s ridiculous!
And I kinda needed this post today, this week, this month. Love it!!!
I just started my first month of pure barre classes. This is a great post to read before I go to my class, because I have such a hard time looking in the mirror. I try to stay away from the mirrors so that I won’t compare myself and feel bad! I have things that are good, they just don’t show up in a mirror–when I’m in a room or girls thy have different body types than me
This is one of the best posts I’ve read in a long time. I so agree with you we are our toughest critics and sometimes we really just need to give ourselves a break! Do you mind if I steal this idea for a post down the line? I think it’s an amazing concept and I’d love to encourage others to do it too – of course you’ll get full credit!
I love this and am jumping on board, I think more positivity posts will be good for the soul!