Why Do Women Always Compete With Each Other???

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Alright y’all it’s not very often that I use this space as a place to really write out my feelings but I was thinking so much about this I just had to get it out of my head and into words.  This topic of why do women compete has been on my mind lately.  As I shared with you yesterday, on Friday night we had our Pure Barre grand opening party and it was a wonderful event.  I really love the girls that I teach with.  Everyone of them is truly beautiful on the inside and out.


Why Do Women Compete?

why do women compete

I had some time to catch up with one of my fellow instructors Yen. She has to be one of the most gorgeous woman I have ever met. Not only is she is a beauty but she is incredibly smart (ummm she’s a Dentist) she’s also a fitness model, and new Barre instructor! She is so humble and down to earth (and yes she is that gorgeous in real life as well!)

photo cred by Ryan Dwyer Mainstreet Productions

After the event she posted the most thoughtful and sweet note about myself and gave the blog a shoutout.  Her photo as of today got over 1500 likes. After she did that I sat back and thought to myself, wow!  She did not have to do that.  She went out of her way to expose my blog to her 24,000 followers and the introduction from her would really make anybody blush.

We started chatting back and forth after that on Facebook and then over to text and I began to realize we had so much in common and a general appreciation for each other.  That really got me to thinking about how our society tries to hard wire our minds to try and be competitive with other females.  Once again, why do women compete with each other?  I have always tried to surround myself with positive and inspirational women. There are so many driven and hard working women that are entrepreneurs, business savvy, humble and kind. Having these successful people in my life has been such positive influence because they constantly challenge and drive me to continue to set the bar higher.

Another amazing woman in my life is the owner of our Pure Barre Studio Lauren McComb.  She now runs two successful Barre studios.  She is at either studio every single day and is extremely business savvy.  She is incredibly motivating and is such an inspiration to have in my life.  Can you imagine giving up your 9-5 job to open your own studio?  To go from that steady paycheck to having to create your own success?  She not only did that but was so successful she was able to open a second studio. Here she is doing a photo shoot for a local magazine….like a boss!!!

Myself, Yen and Lauren all have the same thing in common through not only the healthcare aspect but the fitness aspect.  Working out is not about trying to change the number on the scale.  It is about taking the time to improve your health and well being.  When you are taking care of your health and body the happiness that radiates out is so incredible to see.  Nothing makes me happier then to see someone achieve their goals of not only getting healthier but stronger as well.

Even within the blog world the support I have gotten from Kate from Another Clean Slate and Steph at Life According to Steph when it came to my linkup they blasted that out to all their Twitter followers just to help get the word out.  Or to Kerry from Till Then, Smile Often who went out of her way to create a text box for my Friday Favorites link up.  None of these amazing women were asked to do this but all of them went out of their way to help promote my blog and help it to grow.

I guess what I am really trying to say is being around such incredible women has been such an amazing reminder about trying to help promote each other instead of how society tries to drive us apart.  Why is it that so many women are so competitive and get excited to see others fail?  I challenge everyone to do something today and this week that helps out another woman.  If it’s promoting another up and coming blogger on your social media outlets.  Or giving a compliment to the girl next to your in your workout class.  Basically trying to keep this positive energy out there to continue to promote and encourage all the talented and smart women around you.

I really feel that if you surround yourself with positive people and truly try to lift up and encourage them as much as you can.  Then that positive energy and karma will come back to you tenfold.

What are your thoughts about why do women compete?  Have you found more competitive people in your life or do you try to surround yourself with as many positive people as you can?  I hope you have a fabulous day and try to take this positive energy and message with you today!

p.s you can follow myself on Instagram here and the gorgeous Yen here and her Facebook page here. She is incredibly uplifting and beyond motivating!!  xoxoxo

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67 responses to “Why Do Women Always Compete With Each Other???”

  1. straight up, some women are catty biatches. it’s their insecurities about themselves that causes them to behave the way they do and is the reason why they tear down others so they can feel better about themselves. i’m like sweet brown with those bitches: AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FO’ DAT!

    i love this post.

    Vodka and Soda

  2. I could not agree with you more girl! I’m friends with more guys than I am girls just because I can’t deal with the cattiness and drama that usually surrounds girls. It’s so sad to know that most women don’t want to see other women succeed or don’t want to share in their success. That really is beyond sweet and inspiring of Yen to post such amazing (yet all 100% true!!!) words about you! And that’s amazing that Lauren has not one but two barre studios! I wish I could open my own one day!

    <3, Pamela

  3. Tracey says:

    It freaks me out how in tune we are sometimes. I have a blog post going up this morning about the female relationship and the importance of finding a space of encouragement. I’m going to link to your post because it’s really along the same lines and that way my readers can really get this point driven home!!

  4. P!nky says:

    I 100% agree with you lady. It’s crazy how quickly we women try to tear each other down instead of lifting each other up. Wonderful post lady!

  5. I love to see women talking highly of other women! Sadly, it is not a common thing to do. It seems so much easier for most people to just tear someone down and be catty to try and make themselves look better. They often don’t realize that most people plainly see what they are doing and frown upon it. My mom always told me if you don’t have something nice to say, then you shouldn’t say anything at all. There is good reason for that! I love that you have so many kind, positive women in your life! Preach it girl!

  6. Wow Yen is gorgeous and I can’t believe she’s a dentist! Just doesn’t fit the typical Dentist look but nothing wrong with that! Yes women are and have always been competitive. I think it all stems from us being insecure and not wanting anyone to be better than us. I guess that’s also why my mom has always said you can count your true friends on one hand. It’s so refreshing to meet nice normal women who generally want the best for you. It can be so hard to determine a woman’s motive at times. Sometimes I think guys have it so much easier. There friendships last for decades and they never fight over petty stuff like women do. They tend to be more secure in their friendships I guess. We could take a lesson or two from men in that department! But girls rule other wise!

  7. Love this!! I think it’s so important in today’s environment to help build women up and never try to tear them down by talking about what they wear or what they look like!! You have surrounded yourself with pretty stellar women and you are pretty amazing yourself!! That was such a sweet and thoughtful thing that Yen did and she sounds pretty incredible as well!

  8. Love this!!! Women should not compete against each other but build each other up! If someone is pushing you down too it’s always better to kill them with kindness.


  9. JumpingJE says:

    You can be sure this is making my Friday Favorite’s list for thought-provoking post of the week.

    How awesome for you to have daily examples of strong, beautiful and smart women in your life. It’s not often that women want other women to succeed but I’ve seen more of this lately as I’ve been working on my mental wellness and gravitate like a moth to a heat lamp for this positive energy.

    Keep empowering, we will change it one step at a time.

  10. Stacy G says:

    This is awesome! I love your challenge idea. This is what I truly love about the blogging community. Everyone is so encouraging! XO Oh and Yen is ridiculously pretty!

  11. I love this! All three of you are such beautiful women. :) I think society makes women feel so insecure about themselves that they get so jealous and intimidated when other women are doing well or looking good. It’s dumb. We should really encourage one another and be happy for one another. Women haven’t made it this far by cutting each other down.

  12. I love the positivity in this post, and the empowering message! It’s a beautiful thing! :)

  13. That’s why I love this community so much… the women in it are generally SO incredibly helpful, uplifting and inspiring. I’m glad that you have women like that in your “real” life as well. You’re amazing! :)

  14. Steph G says:

    I love that you posted all of this. I think it’s so important to be supportive of one another. I’m happier if my friends are successful. I always think that surrounding yourself with people who are doing awesome things inspires you to do awesome things. That’s why I love the blogging community :)

  15. Well said sister!! Thanks for all of your postive thoughts and feedback. You are awesome and much appreciated!! Lucky to have you in my life!!

  16. Erin says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  17. Erin says:

    Preach! You hit the nail on the head! So glad you posted this! :) Also, I’m following you on instagram :)

  18. Kristen says:

    seriously, you are the winner of all bloggers. i love all of this. so many fabulous reads today about insecurities and women and their relationships.
    i have definitely found as i have gotten older, the happier & more positive the people around me are, the more positive & happy i am. i truly try and encourage and compliment the women in my life and my bitchy thoughts have even pretty much gone away, because i don’t surround myself with bitchy people (well, good bitches, not mean bitches). but i am still insecure, especially about the way i look and sometimes catch myself thinking mean thoughts about someone i dont know because i am jealous of them, which i know, is ridiculous. so thank you for sharing. you’re the bomb.

  19. Krystal R. says:

    All of this is so true. Women are sometimes our own worst enemies. I love to think I help uplift my friends instead of pulling them down. Because that is what I’d want for me. Also your friend was too sweet to do that for you! Great girl!

  20. You. Are. Amazing. I love this post. I am a firm believer in all things positive, especially surrounding yourself with positive women. I love reading posts from positive and inspiring women every day, you are always one of them. Thank you for sharing, that is so sweet that Yen did that. I love it.

  21. This is a fantastic post. I think all women should read this and take a note out of your book on the positivity you promote and share with others.

  22. This was a great post! I read it right after Tracey’s and they are both so amazing. I think that it can sometimes be hard, as I am struggling with this now. Since becoming (or soon officially becoming) a part of my boo thangs family, I have gained a sister… But we are soooo different it has been a huge adjustment because her older brother has always been her go to guy and now here I am. So, hearing these positive words makes me appreciate my girlfriends and all the positivity that I do have in my life.

  23. Savanna says:

    This is a great post. We should encourage each other and be positive! I have formed some of the most amazing connections through the blogging world- it’s amazing. I have also seen some bullying and out hatred which makes me sad. If you don’t like someone- secretly stalk their stuff like I do lol. You are an amazing lady and this was a wonderful post. I will totally go out of my way today to lift someone up- it’s good for the soul. You never know how a kind word or gesture might impact someone’s day!

  24. Great question to ask everyone, I think on a daily basis as well as yearly. Why are we friends with some and not with other, what held us back in the past and what is holding us back now? It doesn’t help women in general make it very difficult to approach them. I find making friends as an adult is wayyy more difficult then when I was in school. Thanks for raising the question!

  25. I try to surround myself with positive people. Negativity can grow if watered so staying away from it is best. Thank for the shoutout glad to help when I can.

  26. I love this post and the quotes you used to go along with your examples! I don’t know why women are often so catty to each other, it seems only obvious to lift each other up- I think women get enough negativity from other aspects of society!

  27. Great post girl! As I get older I find myself wanting to spend more time with people that bring me up and less and less of the girls who are constantly judging and comparing themselves to others. Although, it’s not as easy as it sounds!!

    Personally, I’ve been taking cues from Jennifer Lawerence and have been doing my best to stop “shaming” other women. Sometimes, us bloggers can get wrapped up in live tweeting red carpets or other events and think it’s ok to say bad things about other women. Even though these women are celebrities it sets a bad example and makes it much easier to continue the bad habit in your own circle of friends!

    xo, jen

  28. I agree with everything you said, and I absolutely love the last two image quotes. They are spot on, especially girls/competing women/empowering. Why wouldn’t we want someone we like to succeed, to help them grow?

    I try to put good out there, it’s a nicer atmosphere. Cross me and I’m mean as a snake, no matter what gender you are though. hahhaha

    I’ll check out Yen on social media!

  29. Rebecca Jo says:

    I love this!!! I work in youth ministry & try to instill in those girls YOUNG that they need to stand WITH each other, not AGAINST each other. Too many other things that come against us as girls.

  30. That is so awesome you are surrounded by such amazing (and beautiful) women, not to mention you are one too!! It is so important to build and empower people instead of bring them down. I learned a lot about motivation and inspiration when I was a fitness instructor. How sweet that she gave you a shout-out! There should definitely be an “empowering” movement going on :)

  31. I always wonder why women have the need to be so competitive, as well. And sadly, I lost a very dear friend over it. If anything, I think blogging has totally changed my perception of female relationships. There are SO many strangers turned blogging friends that offer support, readership, words of wisdom and some damn good laughs. You’re included in this obvi ha ;)

  32. Caitlin says:

    I’m definitely guilty of taking on a competitive mindset with other women (I blame it on biology, but I know that’s not an excuse). It is SO SO SO important to support each other as women (but truly, anyone) instead of comparing ourselves to each other and using that comparison for harmful thoughts/words/actions!! I love this post, thank you for this reminder.

  33. What a nice shout out- you’re right.. why does society pitt us against each other? I don’t like it.

  34. I wrote a post similar to this last year because I had someone in my personal life trying to compete with me, which was so weird! I think it is SO awesome that you shared this… look at the results when women build each other up instead of pulling each other apart!!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately there will always be women who are there to compete and always just want to be the “best” whatever that even means :) I have learned to do my own thing, surround myself with good people and lift others up!

  35. i am not big on competing with anyone…i love to celebrate my friends’ and acquaintances’ successes instead of being jealous or catty! it’s just not worth it! :) such a great post amanda!

  36. alyssa says:

    New reader here, and I just had to chime in because I loved this post so much, and agree whole-heartedly. I was actually just having this conversation a few days ago with a girlfriend who recently asked me to help her become a runner. We talked about how we take a much more “Tina and Amy” approach to relationships with other women, and how lucky we are to be at a place in life where we truly appreciate and enjoy all that we can learn from other amazing women every day, and how we strive to do the same for other women. Great, great post!

  37. What an amazing post lady! I am a firm believer in being positive and passing the positive. That’s why I honestly think the blogging community can be so amazing. Yes, there are definitely some haters out there but there are also so many awesome women to learn from and be inspired by!

  38. this is such a great post! agreed that we should help each other out as much as possible. I admit I sometimes battle with the green-eyed monster of envy but then I remind myself that we all deserve good things in our lives!

  39. brooke lyn says:

    nailed it on the head when you said we should help promote each other instead of tear each other down!!!!

  40. women are really strange characters.i sometimes get caught up in jealousy and have to literally say to myself “stop. you have so much, why more?” and think about my actions. i think today’s media outlets only make it worse. was it like this when we were little? i really dont know! but this is a great post and i’m taking on that challenge — really it shouldn’t be a challenge though. we should all want to help each other, just as you said it!

  41. I try to be the non competitive girl, the girl who will help with anything she can if she sees a need. There are to many other people competing with us in this world we don’t need to compete with ourselves.

  42. Oh my goodness all 3 of you ladies are gorgeous! But you’re right though- women can be so catty and it is so funny how surprised you get when you think “whew, she is just like me and fabulous and not out to get me.” Some people say friendships are harder to form in adulthood but I disagree bc hopefully by now you have a deeper sense of what true friendship really is! Great post Amanda and great quotes! <3

  43. Tori says:

    You are seriously spot on with this whole post and I LOVE it! We should totally encourage each other, build each other up, and celebrate each others successes! It is so sad that our society had such a dog eat dog mentality when it comes to comparing our lives with those around us (especially other women). I applaud you and the two ladies you shared about for truly embracing doing the things you love and bring others up (not down) in the process.


  44. awhite says:

    Such a great post with a powerful message- TOTALLY true that a lot of women do this; tear each other down, step on each other in the quest for success, etc. So sad! And lame, haha. We should be there for each other, supportive of each other, etc.

    Glad to e-meet you, babe! Swing by my space and drop me a comment sometime!


  45. Jenny says:

    Love this!! I feel that the women who love to see other women fail are just simply miserable in their own lives and would rather see someone fail so they can feel better about their own lives. Instead they should encourage these women so those women can help to raise them up. Because like you said 95% of the time these successful people are nice, down to Earth and looking to help.

  46. Such an awesome post!! I couldn’t agree more. I had a conversation about this with a friend of mine the other day. It makes me sad that we constantly try to outshine, belittle, get jealousenvious and talk down about other women when we should be applauding, encouraging and even learning from them! The sooner we as women learn this the sooner we can teach our daughters and friends and hopefully begin to see a change!!

  47. Ashley says:

    Great post – it’s so true. I’ll admit that in the past I’ve been guilty of comparing myself to and competing with others…friends included. It’s a hard habit to break and but I’ve been trying to surround myself with only positive people and it seems to be working!

  48. Kari says:

    Yes!! This is so true! I don’t know why women always feel the need to be so competitive. I went to a blogging conference a few weeks ago and was worried that it would be a little like high school. It turns out I had nothing to be worried about. Everyone was so sweet and uplifting. It was just a really nice space to be in. I want to try to make those positive connections over blogs, too. We all spend so much time creating our blogs, nurturing them, and visiting other people’s sites that it’s good to keep in mind we aren’t competing against each other. There’s more than enough room for all of us, so we should all be friends:) Love this post and love your blog! I found it through “Another Clean Slate”, and I just followed you via Bloglovin:) Hope you’re having a great day!

  49. love love the positive message of this post. when we all support each other we LIFT each other up instead of bringing each other down. so important to remember. that’s why i am really selective about the people i hang out with. i rather be surrounded by a few NICE friends rather than a group of catty girls. xo jillian – cornflake dreams

  50. Kiki says:

    Love this post! There really does need to be more positive female relationships. What wonderful ladies you work with!

  51. Maggie says:

    I love this post! I couldn’t agree more with you. Women need to empower each other and stick together – not break each other down! It is all too often that it happens in the work place and at school, and it is just unnecessary. Thank you for this post :)


  52. So, so beyond completely agree with this entire post! I swear I was nodding my head in agreement the whole time! I definitely have some of these competitive friends and I’m over it. It’s exhausting, honestly. I’ve been struggling a lot with where my relationships with them should go so thank you for sharing and helping me to realize it’s okay to let some of these toxic friendships dissipate!

  53. I love this entire post! I never got the whole competitive thing, myself. My girlfriends and I are so supportive of each other, and yes we’re different but we are there for each other, and I love that.

  54. This is such a beautiful post, Amanda!! Bravo to your friend Yen. What an incredible friend to promote you, and appreciate what you’re doing. If only women could be like that more often!! Spaces like blogs & instagram can be SO competitive, and ladies are constantly trying to out-do each other. It’s silly. Do you, and do you really well, and then encourage other ladies to do the same! After having a little girl these thoughts snuck into my head constantly….I worry for her in school in the future. :-(

  55. Girl power! :) Seriously. Girl power. It makes me sad whenever I see a girl trying to hurt another girl — well, really, whenever anyone tries to hurt anyone. I’m all for all girls lifting each other up whenever possible.

  56. Absolutely love this post! I definitely try to surround myself with positive people but also at least try to be a positive light even when surrounded by negative people. I try to keep the perspective that everyone has gone through junk in their lives that make us think and act the way we do (not that it’s an excuse for people to be competitive with each other or negative) but it helps me extend grace to those people (even if it’s after thinking something negative about them, because well I’m human too and people can be sucky!) :) but yes to empowering one another rather than competing with one another!!

  57. Jess says:

    Yes to everything you said! I don’t know what it is that makes women try to compete in a negative way with each other, but I try to forgive and forget and act in a more healthy way. It can be hard sometimes :).

  58. This is such a beautiful post and I love that you put it out into the world. All of these important truths, truths that we should all live by. You are one of those amazing women! I think you were one of my first followers and the fact that you stop by and comment makes me feel good everyday! Thank you for always being positive and leaving love on my blog!!! xoxo

  59. Elle Sees says:

    this is one of my 2 biggest issues i support–it’s why i don’t want the bachelor. women are so mean and competitive towards another. i don’t see guys acting like this at all! i’m all for supporting each other.

  60. Rachel says:

    It’s truly awesome how much can be accomplished when women decide to help build each other up rather than act like everything is a competition!

  61. Mree says:

    Awesome post, I agree with everything you said. Girls need to stick together and work together not fight over petty shit. Girls can be very mean and it’s sad. I’m all about supporting each other and working together. You are very lucky to work with such wonderful woman. There is strength in numbers.

    Best, Mree

  62. You are 100% right on, girlfriend! What amazing women you just introduced your readers to! I love the quote about building a foundation with the bricks women throw at you. How badass is that?! It’s so unfortunate that so much jealousy and insecurities bring women against each other.

  63. You’re my kind of gal. I realize the older I get the less I feel I need to compare myself to other women. We are all pretty awesome in our own way!

  64. That is so wonderful! I love to see support from strong beautiful women, just like you! This is a very positive post and sounds like a positive atmosphere you have!

  65. I’ll be linking up with your Friday post again once I’m back to reality.

    Love this post- you attract positivity because of your own positivity!

  66. I would meet any and all of you ladies for drinks!! SO BEAUTIFUL!!

  67. I love taking class from Lauren! I usually can only make one of her classes a week, but she is awesome! I think Yen was in one of my classes last week too. It’s nice to hear that everyone is so supportive of each other and that you’ve found such great ladies to look up to!

    ~ Shannon

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