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So I finally have a second to sit down and spill this story to y’all. You know how I like to tell you stories especially ones that involve me yelling out something to the effect of “seriously am I on Candid Camera or something????” I’m not a big magazine reader but which one is it US Weekly that has the section “Celebrities that are just like us“. I always laugh when they show them at the grocery store “ohhhh shocking” or like pumping their own gas……the horror.
So this story made me laugh because I just came down from my high of being all glamarous in Miami with my fabulous friends and perfect little party dress and then BAM. Reality brought me back down.
Okay let me set the scene. It was one of those mornings I was running late (shocking I know)…..my purse was slung over my shoulder, my workbag (stethoscope, computer etc) was in the crook of my arm and I was grasping my lunch tote in my hand. I had a protein shake with no lid, my tall tervis tumbler pure barre water bottle which I hooked through my finger and since the dishwasher wasn’t clean I had a coffee mug…..like not a to go mug…..an actual mug that you are supposed to sit and sip from while reading your paper in my other hand.
I wish I could say this was a rare morning with the amount of stuff I leave with. In my defense I usually am gone for 12 hours and completing multiple tasks/jobs in one day so I have to leave prepared.
With my body and limbs as a human clothes line I actually paused to myself and said out loud “this is a bad idea“.
So now I’m driving for about 15 minutes with my water bottle in between my legs, the protein shake sans lid in the terrible cup holder and I have my coffee cup in my left hand. I’m talking to my mother on my phone (hands free through my speaker) when it happens.
Let’s back up now. First thing when this happened the few days before I had been moving. I used my car to transport many boxes to the goodwill.
Do you know where this is going?
So as I’m sitting at the stop light with my coffee cup in hand and water bottle in between my legs while wearing a dress (of course I am). Something catches the corner of my eye.
I look forward and stare straight into a cockroach that is no kidding aside about half the size of the palm of my hand. It was on my visor and pretty much inches away from my face. It flicked it’s little antenna just to let me know I wasn’t seeing things……taunting me if you will. It’s not like I could call Terminix maryland pest control like I could if I was at home…I was trapped, in the car, with a cockroach.
I WISH I WAS JOKING.
Open coffee cup in my hand about to drive over a bridge with a cockroach staring me square in the face at my eye level. I’m sweating just reliving this.
I think my mother was genuinely scared of the octave my voice went up to.
What would you have done?
I reached into my back seat and found a blanket that was used for packing and tried to smash it. Then I tried to crumple it and threw it into my backseat. I saw it squirm away.
Then I had to drive over a 12 mile bridge.
When I got to the other side I stopped at a CVS and went shrieking out of my car like a straight up crazy person. There was a poor soul who happened to walk by. I’m pretty sure I scared them as well.
I then proceeded to rip every single thing out of my car and shake it out. Nothing. I threw it all in the trunk and put my hair on top of my head……didn’t need any stray hairs hitting me. Then I had to drive another 30 minutes to work. It was the longest 30 minutes of my life. Every flicker I thought it was coming back for round 2.
That is the one thing about FL I will never get used to. Cockroaches. When I heard they fly. Stop. I thought it was a joke until it was witnessed. The best part of the story after I called Mark to fill him in on my horrifying event he calmly asked “did you roll down your windows and open the sunroof afterwards?“
No. Since that makes way more sense instead of re trapping myself for another 30 minutes.
Here is the worst part. That little nightmare has never been seen since. It’s like a ticking time bomb. However your morning started off like……or how crazy/crappy your week may have been just think of the fact I started off my morning by staring a cockroach in it’s face…….and it won. xoxoxoxoxo